If my blog does not meet your standards, then LOWER YOUR STANDARDS. Who the hell do you think you are, anyway?

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Another Wave of Yankees And Some Californians Will Descend On Florida

In Case you have not been aware of what has been going on , There are a couple of States in our once great country New York and California, that are on the verge of going under, they are basically bankrupt. It seems that years of liberal control have destroyed these two power houses of the United States. Now the State governments will start taxing the producers even more to pay for the rest. People are fed up and moving out in record numbers. Many have decided Florida with no state income tax and warm winters will be their new home. I am sure with its cheap housing, fantastic golf course, and the promise of a Minor league Baseball team, Palm Bay has to be in their sights.
What scares the people who currently try to reside here is these transplants want to change things to the way they were "back home" when they get here. Well we don't want it that way.

Sorry to hear about your home State. I know it was nicer when your parents moved you there all those years ago. But for reasons you cannot quite put your finger on, it has gone down the toilet. Before you pack up your U-Haul, please read the following as it pertains to you.

The good people of Florida, Arizona, Washington, North Carolina, Texas and Colorado among others have asked me to ask you to sign this simple pledge. It would go a long way in making your new neighbors more comfortable about your imminent arrival.


I, the undersigned, have read and understood the following.

1. Many, many people have lived here before I came here with my enlightened concepts. As such, these people have survived smoking in bars, having chickens in their yards, owning firearms and occasionally riding motorcycles without helmets. I will acknowledge that these people - my future neighbors - appreciate my concern but wish I would keep it out of the town council meetings and other legislative bodies.

2. I promise to, at the very least, entertain the possibility that the policies I supported in my original home state contributed to its high cost of living (e.g. gasoline, real estate) and decreased quality of life (e.g. crime). With that in mind, I will show some appreciation for the low cost of living and the high quality of life which my new home provides. Furthermore, I will attempt to learn from my mistakes rather than repeating them out of some need for emotional fulfillment.

3. I acknowledge that, despite my noteworthy compassion, encouraging uncontrolled illegal immigration causes a breakdown in education, hospital and civic services which benefits no one; not the residents, not the legal immigrants and not even the illegal immigrants. I pledge to not make grand statements such as designating my new community as a “sanctuary city”.

4. Government programs, regardless of how noble they are, cost money. Therefore, before I advocate for all manner of social programs, I will ask myself if I am personally able to bear the financial burden for it and not expect “the rich” to pick up the tab.

5. I recognize that my new six bedroom home is part of a development which was recently a 500 acre farm. Furthermore, I understand that this development was made to accommodate growth of which I am part. I pledge not to develop a sudden zeal for conservationism after having “gotten mine” to keep the next 500 acre development out of my “back yard.”

6. I will note that before I moved here, the local population included minorities, homosexuals and disabled persons. Moreover, these various people groups integrated much better than I assumed. I will respect my neighbors by not fetishizing any particular identity group resulting in embarrassing individuals, polarizing communities and making an ass of myself.

(Your Name)


NOTE: With minor modifications, this form applies to Massachusetts, Maryland, and Michigan.

Here is a PDF format http://www.sixmeatbuffet.com/images/bluestateexpatpledge.pdf
so you can print it out and send it to your brother in law before he flees his home and makes his way down here.


  1. LMAO! Brilliant!!! I'm from New York and can totally sympathize with you folks having to deal with the "Pinko Exodus".

    best line in the blog? "But for reasons you cannot quite put your finger on, it has gone down the toilet." Bwah-ha-ha-ha!!!

    the whole thing is GOLD though!

  2. Over the long run, people actually haven't survived smoking in bars anywhere on the planet. Regardless of whether someone came here from Montana, or was born in the parking lot of the Palm Bay Seven Eleven, they have the right to express their concerns about smoking, and it's effect on their personal health.

    You have the right to be stupid in your own home. We have the right to protect ourselves from your stupid habits.

  3. If life was so great in their home state why the hell would they want to move here? This place does suck as you so rightly state but its been my home for 41 years and it did not suck before all those from up North moved down here and destroyed the Beaches and the River. Keep your blog going I enjoy it and it does make me laugh.