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Sunday, January 23, 2011

Palm Bay's FootBall Fans

There are two big games on this weekend. N.Y. Jets vs. Pittsburgh Steelers and The Green Bay Packers vs. The Chicago bears. All four teams have a bunch of fans here in Palm Bay. However obnoxious the NY fans are the Pittsburgh fans are the worst. Pittsburgh fans not only cheer their team on, which is fine and dandy, But they have to tell you how freaking great the City of Pittsburgh is. They go on and on about the City. If it is so freakin great what the hell are you doing living down here in beautiful Palm Bay FL. if Pittsburgh PA is the land of milk and honey or steel city beer and Roslis burgers. Oh the culture the museums the food . Why would you ever want to move away from the greatest city on Earth?

Then they tell you about the lack of jobs up there and the cold winters.....Hell they dont even produce steel up there any more, do they? Well then I guess its not that great so shut the fuck up about it already. Go ahead and wear your yellow and black and show off your ridiculous tattoos but shut the fuck up about how great Pittsburgh is. Because if its so great you would have never left. Your quarterback Roethlisberger is a rapist and an embarrassment
yet because he is winning so you give him a pass.

Even Atlanta could not stomach Micheal Vick. Yes the City has a winning tradition blah blah blah but if it is so great what the hell are you doing here in Palm Bay the anus of Central Florida!

The NY fans are just as bad about telling you how great the empire state is even though both of their football teams play in New Jersey. The New Yorkers want to change Florida to bring all of the things that destroyed their State to Florida. How about a big NO Thank-You to that.
Green Bay fans.. well they are kind of a mellow bunch they love their Packers but they are not telling you how great it was living in Wisconsin enjoying their 40 degree August evenings. They sit in Beef O Brady's and cheer their team with out being obnoxious A-Holes like Patriot fans or Steeler fans.

Same goes with Chicago they know the place is a shit hole and are glad they left. They don't sit around half drunk off their ass at Beef's telling you that Chicago is the greatest City in the United States while they watch their team play in 4 degrees. We know our Bucs,

Dolphins and Jags suck but we are not bragging about how great it is to Live Here , I guess you already figured that it was a lot better here then Pittsburgh PA because because you packed up and moved down to Palm Bay Florida. Thats got to tell you the truth about Pittsburgh.
So how about you Pittsburgers, if Pittsburgh PA is the greatest place in the world what the hell are you doing living in Palm Bay FLA?

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Grow Houses Make Great Neighbors

First of all Some of you may not know what a grow house is even though they make the news all the time now and Palm Bay has had its fair share. A grow house is a house that is basically set up in side to grow marijuana. The out side looks like a regular house and that is what might be appealing to have one next to yours. I know its illegal and when they get caught the people get carted away to the Crowbar Hotel But they make for mighty fine neighbors in Palm Bay. Let me explain
They keep these houses looking good. The lawns are mowed and yards well kept unlike some of the other houses in my vicinity you know the ones that have an air boat on the front lawn or a Monster Truck parked in the front yard or maybe the one with nine cars parked out front. there are no transmissions or broken down riding lawn mowers leaking oil all the way down the driveway no major appliances on the side of the house rusting away. They don't have dogs barking at all hours or dogs that are tied up in the backyard 24-7 with empty water bowls in the heat of summer. No little rug rats screaming no teenagers stealing your stuff out of the garage. You don't have to listen to the couples fight screaming at each other in English, Spanish or any other language. There are no trash cans left out front for the entire week, no trash in the front yard not even a few weeks worth of the Hometown News or other free newspapers in pretty yellow plastic bags stacking up in the driveway. In fact you hardly ever see anybody there at all and there is hardly ever any lights on. You convince your self they just work nights and keep to themselves. The foil over the windows is to save on electricity and keep the light out after all they must be day sleepers. There are no goats or chickens in the backyard No cats burying their shit in your flower beds. No dead cars, pieces of cars, boats or trailers in the back yard or side of the house. No loud parties no squealing tires or Air boat motors cranked up. No Harley Davidson motorcycles thundering away at 6:00AM. No ATVs No four wheelers and No dirt bikes tearing thru the empty lots. No Boom Boom car stereos shaking your house rattling the china cabinet. No, What you have are the perfect neighbors . Nice well kept House and nice yard and peace and quiet. The only problem is they are growing wacky weed inside. You would never know it though. You have just nice quiet neighbors who are never there and take care of the place.
Then the cops come, the residents were using way too much electricity or something else and they bust the place and it seems that it is run by some Cubans from Miami They have houses all over the county and state. The people go to Jail and the place goes to hell again. But the law is the law and growing weed is a crime, but damn it was nice while it lasted.