If my blog does not meet your standards, then LOWER YOUR STANDARDS. Who the hell do you think you are, anyway?

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Malabar Rd. Guard Tower Gets A Lighted Message

Have you seen the hideous sign that now sits on top of the guard tower on Malabar Road at the Malabar Cove Apartments. It blinks on and off a bright green and red telling us they have a move in special. The thing is visible from a couple of miles away and from the space station. Who approved this Sign down at the city . I mean you need a permit in Palm Bay to take a crap, so somebody had to give the green light to the big blinking "green light". Palm Bay is well known for sucking every penny they can squeeze out of you for building permits. Then some half assed inspector who couldn't find a 2 x 4 in Home Depot or his own dick with a map and a search light comes out and "inspects" the job giving it the City Seal approval. Have you ever seen the inspections they give to new roofs. The inspectors are not allowed to go on the roof or stand on a ladder of any kind for fear that they might hurt themselves and sue the City. So they stand on the ground and look up at the roof some times with binoculars and say "yup there are some shingles up there" they do not inspect shit. All they care about is separating you from more of your hard earned money. It would be a different story if they inspected the work and made sure it met their code. But they don't. On the other hand if you put up a fence which does require a permit you have to submit paper work like drawings surveys and the inspector is out there with a freaking micrometer measuring away like peoples lives depend on it.
So back to the sign. Whats up with this thing? Doesn't it seem just a slight bit out of place? Never mind it sits on a guard tower 40 feet in the air. Is Malabar Road going to look like the Las Vegas strip soon. Is that what the City zoning board is shooting for? Should Madalyn Landings get one up in the air too. It can Flash Low income housing move in flash flash Drugs for Sale flash flash.
It looks like a sign from some cheap motel blinking vacancy and no vacancy except it appears that all the bulbs are burning bright on this thing. If you stare at it too long the image will be burned into your retinas the damn thing is so bright. Its like the sign behind the stage at a KISS Concert. You go home and for days the word Kiss is burned into your vision.

The City has this thing about signs. If you have a garage sale they have the dude in the big city truck driving all over, probably on over time yanking the signs up and trashing them. Yet the City has these big Ugly signs stuck in the Median strips advertising "whatever is going on" each month. They also have those beauties that hang from the poles all the way down Malabar Road telling us what a great place Palm Bay is. Like we did not know it. Then of course we had the whole town plastered with signs telling us to Vote Yes! last May for the big tax increase for roads and the economic development that failed because most of the Town is finally onto you guys in City Hall. So whats next bill boards down Emerson?

Friday, September 11, 2009

Oh That Great Palm Bay Night Life

Its Friday night in Palm Bay. Whats there to do? If you a young teenager not too much. If Your an older teen but not yet 21, not too much. Are you a young adult? Not too much. It does not really matter how old you are, there just isn't much to do. Lets see.... We have no movie theatres, no bowling Alley, No Skating Rink, not even a putt putt golf course. No night clubs no comedy clubs there is just not much here. You would figure a City this size could attract something. Do we suck that bad?
For the youngsters unless you are in to skateboarding
or roaming with the herd at the Winn Dixie Shopping Center on Malabar Road You are going to have to find a Mom who isn't all busy with her new boyfriend to drive you over to Melbourne and either chaperon or comeback to pick you up at a movie or the skating rink or something.
Lucky for some who don't hang out at the PAL or the shopping center they have a parent or even parents who will take the time and spend it with the kids. Its the same people you see at the little league Baseball, football, soccer or Scouts.

For the Older kids you might be lucky enough to have a car or a friend with a car so you can make it out of the city to find something to do.

There is always Friday Night Football over at Bay Side when there is a home game. Its about 6 bucks and you can hang with your friends.
Last time I was there the Police presence was strong you would have thought they were expecting a riot or something during the game between Bay Side and Palm Bay High. Maybe they were expecting one. As for Palm Bay High School games they are in Melbourne.

Young Adults good luck. Especially professionals.
I know from talking to the young single engineers at Harris Grumman and DRS there is not much to do. Especially if you are trying to meet a woman or man under twenty five that does not already have a kid or two. I mean they have daycare at the High Schools and some girls already have two children in there. They start young here in Palm Bay. Just look at the stroller tracks heading from Madalyn landings to Winn Dixie. It looks like covered wagon wheel ruts on the Oregon Trail. They tell me its slim pickings in Palm Bay. If you want to go to a sports bar no problem we have several where you can go and have a couple of cold ones with your buds from work and cheer for your college team. But, there are no real "clubs" here. You know nice places where you can dress up, drink over priced drinks, dance, meet hot babes without the C section scars and stretch marks and the crappy tattoos. I doubt you will meet your dream girl here in Palm Bay because her parents already sent her off to college and she met dream man there, and she probably isn't moving back. But I did not say you could not get laid. There are plenty of those "Palm Bay" girls trolling the bars looking for the guy of her dreams. Some one who isn't unemployed or getting half his paycheck garnished for back child support.Or moved back in with Mom (to help out) And hopefully the guy does not have too many felonies on his record.
And as a bonus he has his own truck. You Better make damn sure you practice safe sex with these girls. If you like the BBWs you know the ones who wear the bright orange or bright lime green strtch pants that show all the goods. Then you might want to check out the Walmart. It could work for you especially if you are a black dude those big Palm Bay girls are more then willing home boy.
Like I said there are some pool hall type places or sports bars you might get lucky at, especially if you can shoot pool or sing Karaoke and buy a girl a drink or two. Next thing you know its last call and your hooked up.

Mom and Dad can go to Chilli's and then maybe drive out of Palm Bay for a movie. Really though who cares about Mom and Dad after they finish paying for all the kids shit they barely have anything left over. A big special night in Palm Bay for them would be dropping a bundle on an overpriced meal at the Yellow dog, tasty but expensive and hopefully Dad gets lucky when they get home.

Now The older crowd. In Palm Bay you can find an early bird special and be home in time to watch Jeopardy and wheel of Fortune.

You can also find a VFW or Loyal Order of the Eagles, or Moose lodge to hang out in and get lit half the day. There is even Bingo on US1 and an adult arcade in the plaza where Siggys and Woody's barber shop is, located on Malabar Road. This you can do in Palm Bay.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Cell Phones: Sometimes I would like to shove that phone right up your..........

Do you ever get tired of Cell phones? Or rather other people and their cell phones?
I was driving down Malabar Road heading West and this SUV in front of me was doing maybe 32MPH the speed limit is 45. Then the driver sped up to almost 40 they were all over the road then back down to 30 MPH.

I was thinking please, please turn into Madalyn Landing but no luck. Finally at the Jupiter Intersection I was able to get past them. Guess what? It was some big bitch yapping away on her cell phone all animated with not a clue about what was going on around her..... not a clue. You see it every day and its all kinds of people young, old, all races, female, male it does not matter they are all over the road yapping away or even texting not a clue what the hell they are doing just driving and yapping. An accident waiting to happen. I hate to sound like a hypocrite and go against my libertarian leanings but damn we need a law to protect us from these assholes. They speed up they slow down, they speed up they slow down, they drift in other lanes, they run red lights and don't even have an FREAKING Clue what the hell they are doing. What the hell is so important? I know I am going to catch some flak for this post but it is something that bugs the shit out of me. Maybe we should all have our cell phone numbers on the rear bumper Not only could we call the knucklehead up and bitch at them but it would make it easy to hook up with people. Some people on cell phones are just plain rude. Have you ever had some douche bag start talking to you in the store but they really aren't talking to you? You look over and hey have their blue tooth attached firmly to their skull carrying on a loud conversation as if trying to say look at me I have a blue tooth I am important I am cool. And its not the spouse calling to remind you to pick something up. Its all kinds of conversations. I really do not want to hear you talk about your sister's or your yeast infection or about how wasted you and whoever got last night. The whole store from aisle 4 thru 7 now knows your sisters got a yeast infection down there and you are a slut after 6 shots of tequila.
These people shop and talk and keep talking even at the check out line totally ignoring the cashier totally engrossed in their own little world.
Cant they just tell the person on the other end of the line "hey can you hold on for a few seconds" or "can I call you back I am checking out at the grocery store" Does anybody else out there think its Rude or am I just behind the times getting old. I understand we need cell phones because Payphones are few and far between. I do not even know how much a call on a payphone costs now a days.
Then there is the moron at every movie who's cell phone starts ringing some lame rap or hip hop ring tone despite the fact that they ask you to please turn your phone off or at least put it on vibrate. Are you that freaking important that you cant turn it off for two hours? We hear your conversation; you are an ass wipe not a doctor on emergency call.
The same thing happens in restaurants and bars I have seen couples do nothing but text while waiting on their food. They never look up. Are they texting each other at the table?
Why do some people think they need to shout into their cell phone like its a tin can with a string running to another tin can. You can use your normal voice on most cell phones cant you?
There needs to be some Cell Phone Etiquette maybe the phone manufacturers can include a pamphlet with the phone I doubt people would read it. It took me a few hours reading through the instruction manual to figure out how to operate my phone and figure out all the bells and whistles. My kids just opened the box charged the battery and somehow figured it all out in 10 minutes. Do we still teach our kids good manners? Maybe people need to start teaching their kids good manners and respect for others and start acting more considerate themselves. I think cell phones are becoming an addiction for many especially the young who cant seem to go 20 minutes with out texting some one. Most kids cant even write out a real sentence now because who the hell knows what half the crap means. MBF this MBFD that RU whatever?.Why don't you just call them and talk, why text? People who stand in line and camp out in front of Best Buy for 3 days in order to get the new i Phones are crazy. Many cant afford to pay for their own groceries but they damn sure have a cell phone and it's a blackberry baby or it's an iphone. Cool but, do you really need a 3 or 4 hundred dollar phone. I just use it to make a few calls, some times take a few pictures and I use the alarm clock.
I know there are a million reasons to have your phone with you. When my daughter started dating I would not let her leave with out it. Great for emergencies and a wonderful convienience. Who needs a land line any more.
Cant we just be a bit more considerate to others . No one else needs to or really wants to hear your conversation. And if you lack the coordination necessary to drive and talk on your cell phone be it hand held or hands free please don't because you are pissing me off.