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Friday, September 11, 2009

Oh That Great Palm Bay Night Life

Its Friday night in Palm Bay. Whats there to do? If you a young teenager not too much. If Your an older teen but not yet 21, not too much. Are you a young adult? Not too much. It does not really matter how old you are, there just isn't much to do. Lets see.... We have no movie theatres, no bowling Alley, No Skating Rink, not even a putt putt golf course. No night clubs no comedy clubs there is just not much here. You would figure a City this size could attract something. Do we suck that bad?
For the youngsters unless you are in to skateboarding
or roaming with the herd at the Winn Dixie Shopping Center on Malabar Road You are going to have to find a Mom who isn't all busy with her new boyfriend to drive you over to Melbourne and either chaperon or comeback to pick you up at a movie or the skating rink or something.
Lucky for some who don't hang out at the PAL or the shopping center they have a parent or even parents who will take the time and spend it with the kids. Its the same people you see at the little league Baseball, football, soccer or Scouts.

For the Older kids you might be lucky enough to have a car or a friend with a car so you can make it out of the city to find something to do.

There is always Friday Night Football over at Bay Side when there is a home game. Its about 6 bucks and you can hang with your friends.
Last time I was there the Police presence was strong you would have thought they were expecting a riot or something during the game between Bay Side and Palm Bay High. Maybe they were expecting one. As for Palm Bay High School games they are in Melbourne.

Young Adults good luck. Especially professionals.
I know from talking to the young single engineers at Harris Grumman and DRS there is not much to do. Especially if you are trying to meet a woman or man under twenty five that does not already have a kid or two. I mean they have daycare at the High Schools and some girls already have two children in there. They start young here in Palm Bay. Just look at the stroller tracks heading from Madalyn landings to Winn Dixie. It looks like covered wagon wheel ruts on the Oregon Trail. They tell me its slim pickings in Palm Bay. If you want to go to a sports bar no problem we have several where you can go and have a couple of cold ones with your buds from work and cheer for your college team. But, there are no real "clubs" here. You know nice places where you can dress up, drink over priced drinks, dance, meet hot babes without the C section scars and stretch marks and the crappy tattoos. I doubt you will meet your dream girl here in Palm Bay because her parents already sent her off to college and she met dream man there, and she probably isn't moving back. But I did not say you could not get laid. There are plenty of those "Palm Bay" girls trolling the bars looking for the guy of her dreams. Some one who isn't unemployed or getting half his paycheck garnished for back child support.Or moved back in with Mom (to help out) And hopefully the guy does not have too many felonies on his record.
And as a bonus he has his own truck. You Better make damn sure you practice safe sex with these girls. If you like the BBWs you know the ones who wear the bright orange or bright lime green strtch pants that show all the goods. Then you might want to check out the Walmart. It could work for you especially if you are a black dude those big Palm Bay girls are more then willing home boy.
Like I said there are some pool hall type places or sports bars you might get lucky at, especially if you can shoot pool or sing Karaoke and buy a girl a drink or two. Next thing you know its last call and your hooked up.

Mom and Dad can go to Chilli's and then maybe drive out of Palm Bay for a movie. Really though who cares about Mom and Dad after they finish paying for all the kids shit they barely have anything left over. A big special night in Palm Bay for them would be dropping a bundle on an overpriced meal at the Yellow dog, tasty but expensive and hopefully Dad gets lucky when they get home.

Now The older crowd. In Palm Bay you can find an early bird special and be home in time to watch Jeopardy and wheel of Fortune.

You can also find a VFW or Loyal Order of the Eagles, or Moose lodge to hang out in and get lit half the day. There is even Bingo on US1 and an adult arcade in the plaza where Siggys and Woody's barber shop is, located on Malabar Road. This you can do in Palm Bay.


  1. about time you came up with a new post. Palm Bay has nothing to do. There is not even a decent titty bar. The one on Palm Bay road is full of ugly fat niggers

  2. To the poster above. Thanks for the warning about club goddess. I really hate niggers. And the blog is right on target once again. do I know you? We seem to think alike. Nothing here in Bum fucked palm bay. Never has been. Never will be. Unless you like drunk drug induced pill popping ass holes who are clueless in life and how to live it.

    fuckin clueless.

  3. Actually... the night life in Palm Bay HAS taught me something... Sometimes i like to go over to ziggy's, or crossroads (you know, on minton just before palm bay rd where the scrolling marquee's inside are spelled wrong)and be reminded to thank the lord I am married and these are not my choices!

    The best line I ever got in a Palm Bay bar was a guy came up to me and said "hey did anyone ever tell you youre really skinny... like that one super model (drunken garble)?"

    So far so good, who doesnt want to be compared to a supermodel, even if the guy is too drunk to remember who?

    "Yeah I think she got caught doing heroin. You look like you could be a heroin addict... do you want to go to dinner sometime?"

    Yup, there it was... the reason i go to Palm bay bars... thank god im married!

  4. To the so called married bitch above. I'm sure your one of those four hundred ponders that think its sexy to wear spandex.

  5. sit back and relax smoke some weed. Palm bay aint too bad when your stoned

  6. shame you have to leave palm bay to get anything good with which to get stoned

  7. Some of the best weed in the state was grown in palm bay back in the 70s and 80s. Before the nigger and Rican invasion.

  8. Wow just moved here! Interesting post, however the grass is always
    Greener on the other side. Palm Bay is small and relaxed if you all
    Feel that you need more in life then quit your bitchen and do something about it. Open a club, get a new hobbie or grow some shit. Life is just to short to simply
    Complain without atleast trying to make it better

  9. I don't think it was very nice to talk about other races!!!! They are human beings!
    Get a life!!!! Use your discusting comments to better use!!! You have good and
    Bad in every race! You have to learn to live together not hate!!!!!!

  10. I,m comming to Palm Bay next week. I hope there's some good lookin niggas for me to fuck