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Friday, March 26, 2010


Due to being out of town I missed the recent Palm Bay Day 100 things to do in Palm Bay Celebration which took place March 20, 2010. I guess the City Government is tired of listening to people whine about nothing to do in Palm Bay.
We here at the Palm Bay sucks Blog have compiled our own list. Please feel free to email any suggestions you may have to add to this list
1. Watch the strobe light on the red light camera at Malabar and San Filippo. The sucker blinks like a disco once traffic starts moving at night.
2. Watch the herds of teens wander the Winn Dixie Shopping Center parking lot Malabar and Minton.
3. Sit on the bench in front of Walmart and watch the police walk out the shop lifters in cuffs. This can be enjoyed several times daily.
4. Drink
5. Observe the drug deals which take place nightly at the Kangaroo Express Malabar and Jupiter.
6. Look for your kids bike that was stolen right out in front of your house. You might start at Madalyn Landing.
7. Watch the police chalk tires at Siggy's or Shady Oaks.
8. Measure the depth of the pot holes on your street.

9. Marvel at how low pants can ride below some one's boxer shorts with out falling completely down.
10. Drink and wonder why the hell you moved to Palm Bay.
11. Count the vacant homes on your street.

12. Keep a tally of the murders in Palm Bay. So far this year we have only one.
13. Try to remember how long that construction along Palm Bay Road has been going on for.
14. Drink and Curse your wife for talking you in to moving to Palm Bay.
15. Try to catch the Palm Bay arsonist. Somebody will eventually catch the bastard might as well be you.
16. Watch the Palm Bay Police Para glider soar over head.
17. Hit the Pawn shops and try to find those things that were stolen from your home when the break in occurred.
18. Gaze in wide wonder at the trash that litters our streets.
19 Say goodbye to another neighbor whose been foreclosed on and is moving.
20. Say Hello to the new neighbor big Jiffy Pop hat and hair as he leads his goat into his new backyard.
21. Count the Pit bulls roaming loose.
22. Count the houses in your neighborhood with cars and or trucks parked in the front yard. Air boats don't count.
23. Check the FL today website mug shots to see how many of your neighbors or their kids made it in this week.
24. Wait several hours for the police to show up after you return home to find your place has been broken in to.
25. Just sit on the bench in front of Walmart and watch the beautiful people of Palm Bay.
26. Tell that kid a Chick-fil-A that his uni brow has to go its creeping us out.
27. Count how many cars go through the intersection of Palm Bay Road and Babcock and turn on babcock after the light has turned red. I have seen 8.
28. Start some shit with a Walmart greeter.
29. Try to pick out which houses are grow houses in you neighborhood.
30. Drink and try to figure a way to move beach side.
31.Go to the beautiful world class majors golf course and play 18 holes.
32. Drive through Bay Side Lakes and see what a nice road and a real street light look like.
33. Count how many mosquitoes you can kill the first 5 minutes after sundown.
34 Wave to the policeman who parks between the trees on Port Malabar Road.
35. See what new graffiti shows up around town after the weekend.
36. Guess which customers will buy Philly blunts and a pack of New ports while your waiting in line at the Kangaroo Express.
37. Read the anti Palm Bay comments on just about any story on the FL Today website.
38. Go to Walmart with your camera phone and get that special shot to put on the people of Walmart website.
39. Guess which fat white chick in line at the Circle K is with the black dude waiting in the car with the fancy rims out front.
40. Harass the old Homos who continue to hang out at Castaway point park.
41. Harass the homos who are trying to make the park at the end of Malabar road their new public restroom meeting place.
42. Watch the City employee drive around and yank up garage sale signs.
43. Try to Piss off the Mayor John Mazziotti. The guy is still hanging on trying to get some kind of pension.
44. Check out the new big lighted sign and the guard tower on Malabar Road.
45. Drive through the Madalyn Landing Parking lot and see how many people approach you offering drugs.
46. Wave to Fred Flintstone. He is around somewhere waving a sign.
47. Watch the Freaky kid in the statue of Liberty get up at Malabar Interchange Plaza. He's a weird one.
48. Sell your scrap gold for big bucks.
49. Drink and plan your Palm Bay exit strategy
50.Insist that the Jamaican woman put the pile of clothes down and please leave your garage sale because no you will not take a dollar for all of it.
51.Go to the Malabar gun range and hone your firearm, skills.
52. Check out the amount of stuff the people in front of you at Winn Dixie can purchase with a Food stamp or ebt card.
53. Marvel at the amount of gold that person who just used that EBT card has draped all over them.
54.Watch the Asians file peoples toe nails at walmart.
55.Go to a City Council Meeting.,
56. Watch the Citizen Patrol pull up behind a car in front of little Ceasers with their lights flashing. Sing the Cops theme song at them bad boys bad boys.
57. Go get an ice cream at Twisty Cone or Brusters.
58. Watch a little league baseball game. Palm Bay West or Palm Bay East.
59. Start building your float for the Peurto Rican Day Parade.
60. Day Dream about moving across the causeway to the beach side.
61. Let some one merge in front of you on Malabar road in front of the Auto Zone there with out being an asshole.
62. Apply for a permit because you need one to do just about anything in Palm Bay.
63. Go to Walmart and check out some of the worst tattoos you can see..
64. Kick your self in the ass for buying that house in Palm Bay.
65. Wait for the brush fire season to start.
66.Wonder why there are sprinklers in the median running at full blast during a raging downpour.
67.Try to figure out why all the landscaping in the medians when your street looks like a mine field.
68. Buy a lotto ticket.
Pray its your ticket out.
69. Count the morons texting as they drive down Palm Bay or Malabar Roads.
70. Wave to the Beggers at the I95 exit ramps.
71.Kick yourself in the ass again for moving to Palm Bay.
72. Install an alarm system in your home.
73. Count the Obama Biden Bumper stickers\
74. Say Hi! to the dude holding the Mattress sign corner of Babcock and Malabar.
75. Check out the FL Today website and find out what kind of crazy shit happened while you were asleep or at work. Like houses full of snakes.
76. Figure out away for your kids to not attend Southwest Jr. High.
77. Count how many City employees wearing hard hats can surround one guy working in a hole.
78. Be the last white person on your street.
79. See how many different foreign flags
you can spot hanging from rear view mirrors.
79. Seek out and find the Mayor
at a city event when he sneaks out for a smoke.
80. Get drunk and realize your stuck here in Palm Bay for a while.
81. wonder when you will get your Hope and Change.
82. Count how many Hometown news in their bright yellow bags are piling up in your neighbors driveway.
83. Watch the Citizen Patrol drive around the supermarket parking lot with those yellow lights a flashing.
84.Check out the Hot Palm Bay MILFs
85.Check out the people who are waiting at the bus stops. Notice anything?
86.Wonder who has that rooster that keeps crowing everyday.
87.Dodge the skateboarders at the shopping Center.
88.Go fishing at Turkey Creek.
89. See the Manatees at the captains house.
90.Realize that all that trash you left in South FL has now migrated up to Palm Bay also.

91. Proudly fly your peurto Rican or Jamaican Flag in your front yard.
92. Proudly fly your Pittsburgh Steelers flag in the front yard.
93. Dream about building a baseball stadium in Palm Bay.
94. Realize weed grows very well in Palm Bay.
95. Try to find something to do.
96. Go check out why the police are at your neighbors House