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Friday, March 26, 2010

100 THINGS TO DO IN PALM BAY



Due to being out of town I missed the recent Palm Bay Day 100 things to do in Palm Bay Celebration which took place March 20, 2010. I guess the City Government is tired of listening to people whine about nothing to do in Palm Bay.
We here at the Palm Bay sucks Blog have compiled our own list. Please feel free to email any suggestions you may have to add to this list
1. Watch the strobe light on the red light camera at Malabar and San Filippo. The sucker blinks like a disco once traffic starts moving at night.
2. Watch the herds of teens wander the Winn Dixie Shopping Center parking lot Malabar and Minton.
3. Sit on the bench in front of Walmart and watch the police walk out the shop lifters in cuffs. This can be enjoyed several times daily.
4. Drink
5. Observe the drug deals which take place nightly at the Kangaroo Express Malabar and Jupiter.
6. Look for your kids bike that was stolen right out in front of your house. You might start at Madalyn Landing.
7. Watch the police chalk tires at Siggy's or Shady Oaks.
8. Measure the depth of the pot holes on your street.

9. Marvel at how low pants can ride below some one's boxer shorts with out falling completely down.
10. Drink and wonder why the hell you moved to Palm Bay.
11. Count the vacant homes on your street.

12. Keep a tally of the murders in Palm Bay. So far this year we have only one.
13. Try to remember how long that construction along Palm Bay Road has been going on for.
14. Drink and Curse your wife for talking you in to moving to Palm Bay.
15. Try to catch the Palm Bay arsonist. Somebody will eventually catch the bastard might as well be you.
16. Watch the Palm Bay Police Para glider soar over head.
17. Hit the Pawn shops and try to find those things that were stolen from your home when the break in occurred.
18. Gaze in wide wonder at the trash that litters our streets.
19 Say goodbye to another neighbor whose been foreclosed on and is moving.
20. Say Hello to the new neighbor big Jiffy Pop hat and hair as he leads his goat into his new backyard.
21. Count the Pit bulls roaming loose.
22. Count the houses in your neighborhood with cars and or trucks parked in the front yard. Air boats don't count.
23. Check the FL today website mug shots to see how many of your neighbors or their kids made it in this week.
24. Wait several hours for the police to show up after you return home to find your place has been broken in to.
25. Just sit on the bench in front of Walmart and watch the beautiful people of Palm Bay.
26. Tell that kid a Chick-fil-A that his uni brow has to go its creeping us out.
27. Count how many cars go through the intersection of Palm Bay Road and Babcock and turn on babcock after the light has turned red. I have seen 8.
28. Start some shit with a Walmart greeter.
29. Try to pick out which houses are grow houses in you neighborhood.
30. Drink and try to figure a way to move beach side.
31.Go to the beautiful world class majors golf course and play 18 holes.
32. Drive through Bay Side Lakes and see what a nice road and a real street light look like.
33. Count how many mosquitoes you can kill the first 5 minutes after sundown.
34 Wave to the policeman who parks between the trees on Port Malabar Road.
35. See what new graffiti shows up around town after the weekend.
36. Guess which customers will buy Philly blunts and a pack of New ports while your waiting in line at the Kangaroo Express.
37. Read the anti Palm Bay comments on just about any story on the FL Today website.
38. Go to Walmart with your camera phone and get that special shot to put on the people of Walmart website.
39. Guess which fat white chick in line at the Circle K is with the black dude waiting in the car with the fancy rims out front.
40. Harass the old Homos who continue to hang out at Castaway point park.
41. Harass the homos who are trying to make the park at the end of Malabar road their new public restroom meeting place.
42. Watch the City employee drive around and yank up garage sale signs.
43. Try to Piss off the Mayor John Mazziotti. The guy is still hanging on trying to get some kind of pension.
44. Check out the new big lighted sign and the guard tower on Malabar Road.
45. Drive through the Madalyn Landing Parking lot and see how many people approach you offering drugs.
46. Wave to Fred Flintstone. He is around somewhere waving a sign.
47. Watch the Freaky kid in the statue of Liberty get up at Malabar Interchange Plaza. He's a weird one.
48. Sell your scrap gold for big bucks.
49. Drink and plan your Palm Bay exit strategy
50.Insist that the Jamaican woman put the pile of clothes down and please leave your garage sale because no you will not take a dollar for all of it.
51.Go to the Malabar gun range and hone your firearm, skills.
52. Check out the amount of stuff the people in front of you at Winn Dixie can purchase with a Food stamp or ebt card.
53. Marvel at the amount of gold that person who just used that EBT card has draped all over them.
54.Watch the Asians file peoples toe nails at walmart.
55.Go to a City Council Meeting.,
56. Watch the Citizen Patrol pull up behind a car in front of little Ceasers with their lights flashing. Sing the Cops theme song at them bad boys bad boys.
57. Go get an ice cream at Twisty Cone or Brusters.
58. Watch a little league baseball game. Palm Bay West or Palm Bay East.
59. Start building your float for the Peurto Rican Day Parade.
60. Day Dream about moving across the causeway to the beach side.
61. Let some one merge in front of you on Malabar road in front of the Auto Zone there with out being an asshole.
62. Apply for a permit because you need one to do just about anything in Palm Bay.
63. Go to Walmart and check out some of the worst tattoos you can see..
64. Kick your self in the ass for buying that house in Palm Bay.
65. Wait for the brush fire season to start.
66.Wonder why there are sprinklers in the median running at full blast during a raging downpour.
67.Try to figure out why all the landscaping in the medians when your street looks like a mine field.
68. Buy a lotto ticket.
Pray its your ticket out.
69. Count the morons texting as they drive down Palm Bay or Malabar Roads.
70. Wave to the Beggers at the I95 exit ramps.
71.Kick yourself in the ass again for moving to Palm Bay.
72. Install an alarm system in your home.
73. Count the Obama Biden Bumper stickers\
74. Say Hi! to the dude holding the Mattress sign corner of Babcock and Malabar.
75. Check out the FL Today website and find out what kind of crazy shit happened while you were asleep or at work. Like houses full of snakes.
76. Figure out away for your kids to not attend Southwest Jr. High.
77. Count how many City employees wearing hard hats can surround one guy working in a hole.
78. Be the last white person on your street.
79. See how many different foreign flags
you can spot hanging from rear view mirrors.
79. Seek out and find the Mayor
at a city event when he sneaks out for a smoke.
80. Get drunk and realize your stuck here in Palm Bay for a while.
81. wonder when you will get your Hope and Change.
82. Count how many Hometown news in their bright yellow bags are piling up in your neighbors driveway.
83. Watch the Citizen Patrol drive around the supermarket parking lot with those yellow lights a flashing.
84.Check out the Hot Palm Bay MILFs
85.Check out the people who are waiting at the bus stops. Notice anything?
86.Wonder who has that rooster that keeps crowing everyday.
87.Dodge the skateboarders at the shopping Center.
88.Go fishing at Turkey Creek.
89. See the Manatees at the captains house.
90.Realize that all that trash you left in South FL has now migrated up to Palm Bay also.

91. Proudly fly your peurto Rican or Jamaican Flag in your front yard.
92. Proudly fly your Pittsburgh Steelers flag in the front yard.
93. Dream about building a baseball stadium in Palm Bay.
94. Realize weed grows very well in Palm Bay.
95. Try to find something to do.
96. Go check out why the police are at your neighbors House
97.
98
99
100.

114 comments:

  1. Awwww cmon....the Chick Filet guy is cool man!

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  3. I pissed myself at #50....Holy shit is it ever true!

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  4. what about 97,98,99,100

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  6. 97. Realizing which is worst - living in Palm Bay or reading 100 things to do in Palm Bay and realizing this is your life!?

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  7. 98. Realizing that you could be living it up in Holopaw, FL

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  8. don't forget the internet whores that work out of a house in wonderful Palm Bay.

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    1. I wonder if this was directed at me....

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  9. The same whore who spends hours online looking for mister wrong.

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  10. DONT FORGET THE METHADONE CLINIC CORNER OF PALM BAY AND CLEARMONT. CENTRAL FL TREATMENT CENTER. LOTS OF ACTION THERE DAILY. MORE TRAFFIC THEN A MICKY Ds drive thru

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  11. See the mayor Kissing his girlfriend behind Pirate cove Arcade

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  12. 99. Watching the fire union bullies lie about how underpaid they are to the public, complain about their 100% retirement, threaten the city council and stalk/videotape the Mayor around the city.

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  13. Go to BCC before 8am and see the librarians close the door behind them so no one gets in until on the dot of 8:00 am... or count how many people only have 1 light on their tail lights or break lights.... and/ or count how many people should get ticketed for traffic violations... also those moments were you say where is a cop when you need one!

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    1. Figure out why this guy didn't use the proper brake...must be from Palm Bay

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  14. 100. Count the asholes like you complaining about Palm Bay and doing nothing!

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  15. LMAO... yeah fuck you asshole. You hate Palm Bay SOOO much, and yet you can't afford to move to a "better" place. Too bad asshole. Fuck you you loser.

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  16. I moved To Palm Bay May first then Moved back out June 2nd, of this year!I gladly paid the $1425 separation fee on my apartment's leasing contract to get out of that shithole;Whats with all the Wallmarts? what a cultureless bland existence! Trust me folks, if you live in Melbourne Or Palm Bay or any place on the Space Coast, do yourself a favor...RUN! get out!! you'll live a fuller life winging it and struggling someplace
    else than going through the motions living in those wastelands.GOD! I hated it there!!!

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    1. And we hated you glad your gone

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  17. 100. Go down to the river when the north wind blows and take a deep whiff of ewwwwwww.
    Thanks for your blog. I found it while surfing around this morning.
    Grew up in Indian Harbour Bch and then lived in Sebastian for almost 25 years and finally left Florida ten years ago. (I'm pretty sure that the whole state of Fl. qualifies to be the anus of the US)
    I'm out west now and even though it's tougher than nails to live in the mountains in bad economic times, even a horrible day out here is better than a good day there.
    PS. I ran what used to be the Zippy Mart on the corner of Malabar rd. and US-1 way back in the early 80's. I could see the shape of things to come even back then.
    My advice: get out while you can. Or, are you waiting for it to get better?

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    1. SHHHHHH. Don't let that get out. You wanna create a Palm Beach, Colorado?

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  18. Our family just moved here from Arizona. What a mistake. I cannot wait to get out of this muggy and terribly buggy place. It is so low class.

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  19. Good stuff hahah its right on too

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  20. 101: Count the neck tatoos on people.

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  21. LMAOOO! Sooooo funny and true! The neck tattoos here are herrendous. I live in Palm Bay, and can't WAIT to leave! I can't wait to leave the entire shithole that is Brevard County! Uggh

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  22. people all drive with a chip on their shoulders and not a clue in their head

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    1. Man O Man... Doesn't that one hit the mark!!!

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  23. lived here for 2 years and havent found 1 person i even wanted to talk to ever again. what happened here?

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    1. You took the words right out of my mouth!!! Life sure can be funny though...When I was a kid, I used to watch these clowns
      on TV programs like Green Acres & Hee Haw. Now I am living amoungst them.

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    2. Agreed . Can't even hold a conversation with these people . The only people ive ever made friends with weren't from here :)

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  24. Bunch of tyrants running this city..think they can do whatever they want to a respectable citizen of 27 years. Yep, 27 years...back when Palm Bay was beautiful and we didn't have these clusterf**cks of idiots living amongst us. Now we get neighbors who move into a house that is surrounded by woods on all sides...so she trespasses and cuts down all my vegetation. Why? Because she's afraid of "critters." Then why the HELL did you move here, MORON. Can't wait to make my big escape out of here....Palm Bay seriously sucks the BIG one now.

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  25. Take a walk around your neighborhood and count how many people have dogs that wont shut the hell up when you walk by.. Then when you tell em to shut up, wait at home until palmbay police department show up and harrass you about harassing their dogs cuz they got nuthin better to do..Doin they're jobs would be too much to ask, and then we wouldnt have as many crimes to watch!..

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  26. 97 Go to the Compound to ''have a good time''
    98 Try not to be tricked by the girls that ''look'' 18 I.D. all of them.
    99 Harass the habibs over the phone.
    100 Go to walmart and see who can find the person with the fewest teeth, usually a tie at none.

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    1. coulodnt EXACTLYagree more. lol compound about it

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  27. 96)count how many rednecks you see haling ass out of the compound when the cops arrive.
    97)go to a party and see how many 13 year old's you see pretending to be wasted and not inhaling cigarettes.
    98)imagine what half of the people who are commenting this look like, and laugh.

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  28. Count how many people you see with their doors open in the drive through at any fast food place on Malabar: )

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  29. Pray to God that the drunk that just rear-ended your car is one of the %20 percent of Palm Bay residents that actually HAS auto insurance. Otherwise, you are SOL.

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  30. Watch a Palm Bay/Bayside football game and count how many "fans" get tazed...

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  31. You totally forgot watching drug agents swarm a car in the Denny's or Publix parking lot.

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  32. #50 has happen to me

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  33. #50 has happened to me too. I actually love following them from yard sale to yard sale because after the person having the yard sale off, any really reasonable offer sounds like a really good deal.

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  34. 100. Realize how racist Palm Bay residents are after reading this blog and be embarrassed that you live among them.

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  35. Off jupiter and Malabar my car was robbed twice, my roommates once and the neighbors as well and thats just what i know of. Palm bay police didnt even file my complaint after sitting in the lobby for 2 hours???? then the second time an officer told me all i can do is sit up at night and wait for the thieves??? I cant wait to get the hell out of here!!

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    1. Damn that SUCKS BIG TIME...

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  36. 99. Count the early morning walkers who are compelled to carry baseball bats, golf clubs or pointed sticks to keep the free roaming dogs at bay.

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  37. Lol wow Ariel really I can come up with better ones than that.... walking/driving in our neighborhood after a hurricane an count how meny people are outside playing in the flood water or getting there car stuck cuz they think they can make it out there neighborhood... or watch the people in canoes or boats riding by the front of ure house... lol yes people Palm Bay sucks trust me I was born an raised here, an btw half this shit on here has occurred an happened because of the people that moved here from other places.... an you if ure looking for an easy f*@k just look for a girl standing close by, theres a great chance she'll f*@k you.... :-) I can give y'all meny examples but that's to much to wright, I'm to high for that... lol

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  38. Thought #26 was chris rubin

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  39. How come no one mentioned watching a group of palm bay,s and brevard county sherriffs finest ast a well known watering hole go thru at least 2 pitchers of beer each person in less than a couple hours. Act like toddlers, throw popcorn all over the place and then get up and drive home while outside are a few of their on duty buddies waiting to harass and follow other patrons leaving the same establishment in much much better shape than the afore mentioned. By the way you can wave all you want at the officer parked between the trees on port malabar. He does not wake up unless his radar goes off HA!

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  40. i was born and raised here, i lived here when malabar was a dirt road, and i couldn't have said it better my self, yes palm bay sucks! but it used to be kind of cool before all the garbage from university started spilling over and running down here! and that was the 80's but now theres to many species to identify but i think if we get rid of wallyworld they'd all go back to where they came from....and if you wonder why I'm still here, well it's because when the bottom falls out of this shit bucket in the end of days (soon) I want my fair share!!!!!! *nes

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    1. Your a fuckin retard bro...lol.I can tell you have no life.your the garage that makes palm bay suck

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    2. he's a garage... HAAAAAAAha

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  41. wonder how many times a day i can jerk off so i am not bord to death in Palm Bay

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  42. Palm Bay may be a shit hole but it's home. Count your blessings before you are so quick to critisize this place knowing damn well that there are far worse places to be.

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    1. When I read this, I wanted to tell anyone that has issue w Palm Bay to spend a weekend in Cocoa. It's not that bad here!

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  43. HAHAHA fuckin a bro i thought i was the only one who did ANY of these things... Also i like how every so often you remind us to ask ourselves, "WHY THE FUCK DID I COME HERE?!?!"

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  44. Palm Bay Is the genital wart on this limp dick of a state we call Florida

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  45. 101. Thank god you don't live in Yeehaw Junction

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  46. Damn I just fucking moved here.

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  47. 98. Count how many pregnant 16 yr olds with their boyfriends are in the waiting room at your OBGYN's office.
    99. Offer the FDLE officer a glass of water when he arrives asking if you have seen a pedofile from Orlando that is friends with the guy across the street.
    100. File a police report for almost getting clubbed from behind by a white gang while running with you dog at 6:30 at night.
    101. Listen to your beautician tell you that she had to call the police on her husband and son for fist fighting last night.

    These are just a few real events in the 1 year I lived there. Moved out as fast as I could.

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    1. Fuck you i was that son

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  48. *Count how many people claim they are "good ole rednecks" that hunt, fish and go mudding yet have systems in their big trucks and blast rap as loud as black people themselves do!

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  49. *count how many people say they are all hard because they are from university or agora circle, yet when they actually hear a real gunshot they wet themselves...

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  50. 97. Wonder if this blog will ever be finished....

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  51. 98. What about the once a week garbage pick up?? Palm Bay is the fly capital of Brevard County. Maggots everywhere! Like living in a sewer !

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  52. Y'all jus dont know how to party..just go out to the compound..do a little muddin,drinking,ridin,an fuckin!Palm bays my hometown.born an raised buddy

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  53. Wow... Racist much? Maybe you should just shoot yourself. Sounds like something to do and might do us all a favor. Sucks for you you retard. Seems like u belong here since you can't move. You broke bitch

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  54. This is a bit much, and I agree a bit racist, Palm Bay is quite nice and as I have been there a few times, the beaches are very nice and when that summer heat kicks in, it is the place to be on the eastern shore! I've stayed in several places but many were too expensive and not worth the expense- the Palm Bay Hotel (www.palmbay-hote.com) is affordable and minutes from the beach as well. Well known and respected, it is worth checking out for its countless amenities!

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    1. And how much did you get paid to post this? You clearly have never stayed in Palm Bay for any legitimate amount of time. Your little "visits", the fact that you have enough money to visit anywhere invalidates your opinion from this post. Furthermore, you are not a resident here, so with all due respect. Advertise your hotel elsewhere, and shut up.

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    2. Fail advertisement is a fail. They spelled their website wrong. Maybe they are from Palm Bay!

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  55. Count how many seconds it takes for the sh_t head
    in front of you to realize the redlight has changed. GREEN means GO....MORON!!!!

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  56. Dirtbags, Douchebags, & Scumbags....The great State of Flodidah is full of these halfbreeds.
    Palm Bay is just the (tip of the iceberg)

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  57. - smoke cigs in front of your house and hope the cops don't come walkin up your driveway to question you. (3 times so far)
    - take bets on how long I can ride on an expired tag.{saw a van today with an exp tag from January, got me beat}
    (also how many cops I can dodge on malabar & Minton on my way to work)
    -post up in ur front yard and watch the raccoons climb in & out of you and your neighbors trashcans.
    -
    #94 is sooo true lol. OoWeee!

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  58. a lot of that shit is funny and true but I fuckin love palm bay! I'm so about that life. you can drink, smoke good weed, rail a few blues, go to vivid and look at dem stank ass ho's. The Hip Hop scean is poppin off with some new folks and the vet's are still there, Like Lou Laden, YT4life, and the Viper Pit. go out get high, do some stupid shit and live it up. 321 all day

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    1. LOL Vivid looks better on the inside now then it ever did but now pretty much all the girls are fugly and call themsleves thick .haha Just look at their FB wtf happened to that place

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  59. -Count how many thousands of maggots are on your trash can because the trash gets picked up once a week only .
    -Count the number of police cars it takes to pull someone over for a broken headlight.
    -Notice how nobody has smile on their face.
    -Watch your back , because people out here are shady .
    -Look up how much money it cost it takes to get brand new city halls and police departments in Melbourne , along with brand new under cover plice cars for palm bay
    -Count the number of your friends who don't have jobs .
    -Count the number of true friends you have in Palm bay, chances are its less than 2.
    -Count how many red light cameras you see popping up .

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  60. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  61. Palm Bay is Paradise! We just moved from Miami... Really don't see what you people are complaining about and where it is much nicer to be.

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  62. Count how many old people are driving and try to remember which day was Senior Citizen Day (there's so many fucking old people here I can't ever remember)

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  63. Palm Bay, Port St John, etc, "suburbs" of a small city, not alot of work here, so housing is cheaper to other areas, and unfortunatly, cheaper housing brings around "low-rent" type of people, its like that in most city/suburbs, like Orlando for example is a sh#thole too.

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  64. yea palm, bay blows but i know good peeps there ,,,some of your input/facts are greatly acurate i am inpressed ,,,,very good job,,,my gf showed me yur werks here few days ago,,,,thank you very much mike weber westmelb/sat bch

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  65. I just move here & im already feeling the blues its NOTHING TO FUCKN DO I LEFT A WHOLE SALON I OWNED TO COME HERE & GET PAID 7.79 an hr. I hate this SHIT HOLE OF A PLACE I BLAME MY DAMN HUSBAND SHIT!!!!:-X

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  66. Make a right on red at Emerson at Minton, because even though the sign says no turn on red, you'll get honked at if you dont.

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  67. #100 Search for things to do in palm bay on google and have your hopes crushed as this blog is your top search result.... LOL

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  68. Watch the next generation of thirteen year olds break dancing like Step Up 3 in front of McDonalds on Minton and Malabar.

    Also enjoy the three Haitian churches along Emerson NW near discovery.

    Enjoy how every high school student who attends BCC can't do basic 2+2 math problem. Watch them struggle. Watch them.

    Watch every Welfare check and drug money get cashed in on fourth of July to buy 1000 dollars worth of fireworks.

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  69. Moved from there 5 years ago and forgot all this shit, thanks for the reminder of why I moved...just made my day wonderful...

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  70. You have to much time on your hands lol

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  71. i'm reading this in my boxer shorts....

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  72. Hi, I'm not saying anything about anything else on this blog an I'm sure it was just for fun an so laughs .... However the one that state the kid at chick fila it just down right cruel an unnecessary that is a person an someone's feelings who I pray never sees this! I hope that you find the kindness in your heart to remove that an put a different number up there! There is absolutely no reason to make fun of a persons appearance for something they can't help an I would have hoped your mother taught you better than to make fun of people's looks! I'm sure we all have things that could be made fun of by someone at some time but I would appreciate if you took that off this public site , when the only thing that one could cause is hurt for that person! Thanks do much in advance for taking it down !

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  73. I love Palm Bay as I am from South Florida. Yes, not a lot of jobs and barely none that pay well. But the crime is lower and the people nicer then anywhere else. Its affordable, safe, beautiful and you find low lives every where and here is no difference. If you don't like it move.

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  74. I moved to Palm Bay, from Cocoa in '08. While all of the things on this list are true (I've witnessed 1-100, and the add-ons in the comments), Cocoa's Top 100 would look way worse.
    1. Buy a firearm to combat the gangsters that run drugs and crime in your neighborhood.
    2. Retain an attorney to combat the Cocoa Police Department's attempts to extort you.
    3. Buy crack
    4. Buy Blues
    5. Buy Coke
    6. Buy Xanax
    7. Sell Crack
    8. Sell Blues
    9. Sell Coke
    10. Sell Xanax
    11. Smoke Crack
    12. Snort/Smoke/Shoot Blues
    13. Sniff Coke
    14. Do Xanax
    15. Count the drug addicts
    16. Try to figure out a way to get to Palm Bay
    17. Get stabbed
    18. Get robbed
    19. Get shot/ shot at
    20. Get beaten mercilessly
    21. Rob
    22. Steal
    23. Murder
    24. Vandalize

    I could keep going (no problem) but... you get the point.

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  75. you people are a bunch of baby's i live in new york and have family in melbourne and palm bay it is so safe down there ,,,move your country ass to new york and see how crime is bla bla shut up you have it good down in palm bay you would never last in ny

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  76. WOW U FUCKERS NEED TO GET A JOB AND A LIFE IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT HERE GET THE FUCK OUT LOSERS

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  77. WOW IVE LIVED HERE 25 YEARS AND IM A RECOVERING ADDICT---YOUC AN GET DRUGS AND CREEP AROUND LIKE A WIERDO AND STAKE OUT DRUG DEALS ANYWHERE IN THE USA---UR COMMENTS ARE RACIST AND IMMATURE AND WHILE A LOT OF THOSE 100 THINGS MAY BE TRUE KICK ROCKS IF U HATE IT HERE YOU ARE MOST LIKELY PART OF THE PROBLEM---IM 33 AND HAVE A GREAT JOB AND A HOUSE AND MY 2 PITBULLS MAY GET OUT FROM TIME 2 TIME BUT GO DOWN TO MIAMI AND GO SEE HOW MANY PITS AND ROTS ARE UP COMIN 2 UR CAR LIKE A PETTING ZOO---IF UR PEOPLE WATCHING AT WALMART U HAVE NO LIFE, AND UR TOTALLY RUDE AND OBN0XIOUS---MAKE A CHOICE IF UR SO MISERABLE HERE UR PROBABLY TOO BROKE TO LEAVE---GOOD LUCK WITH UR MOVE TO FAIRYTALE LAND WHERE EVERYONE IS PERFECT AND NO ONE BREAKS THE LAW OR STRUGGLES WITH ADDICTION OR MONEY PROBLEMS--I GET FOOD STAMPS CAUSE THEY HELP AND U SOUND KINDA JEALOUS THAT UR LIFE SUX HERE AND A LOT OF PEOPLE IN PALM BAY ACTUALLY HAVE A LIFE, WORK ALL WEEK, AND THEN DO THINGS THAT ARENT IN PALM BAY LIKE GO TO THE BEACH, ORLANDO, EVEN CINEMAWORLD AND CATCH A FLICK---GET OVER URSELF OR HAUL ASS AND LEAVE US HAPPY PALM BAY PRODUCTIVE CITIZENS TO OUR LIVES. GROW UP.

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    1. You are the perfect example of the typical Palm Bay resident! Thank you very much for showing how happy and kind everyone is! I am glad you made the time to read this sarcastic and hilarious article and make a very joyous post!

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  78. Wow... I'm glad that I moved away from Palm Bay 21 years ago!!!! I always thought about moving back... NOT NOW!!!!!

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  79. OMG I think most of this is just for fun and a lot of you are very angry and bitter people. We all know the reality is this kind of "happenings" is everywhere mostly due to the economy. So if you cant see a little humor in it, stop reading it, choices man choices.

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  80. Sad that Palm Bay is really this bad....LOVE #92, there weren't that many Steeler Fans when I lived there.

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  81. Really...after reading this I really am depressed and know for a fact I have expirenced every single one of the actions.Ive lived here my whole life and laughed my ass off when I read this!Heres another one for you-You know your from palm bay when you go to sonny`s for dinner and it feels like a highschool reunion.

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  82. #97 Why it sucks to live in Palm Bay: The helpless loser who created this blog lives there...

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  83. 97.
    The fact that everyone bitches about Palm Bay with the poorest attitudes acting like everyone "else" sucks when in reality we all live in Palm Bay.

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  84. bah hahahahaaha! I love number 50! I still love my house and Palm Bay though. It's within an hour to everything, and I'm just over a mile from the grocery store! Much better than my old house in TN where it was 25 minutes to the closest store that sold bread and milk.

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  85. All Dem niggers live in Palm Bay Now!

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    1. YEAH! FUCK DEM NIGGERS. THEY BE PLAYIN LOUD MUSIX AND SHIT. GOOD FOR NOTHIN FOOLS WITH THEIR PANTS AROUND THEIR DAMN ANKLES

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  86. Riding bike on levee in 3-Forks behind the compound while bullets zip by your head cause morons shootng at will from the coumpond to the west. In Augest i had bullets hit multipul trees around me & the one i was in almost half mile away ! Calling the cops is worthless, they do nuthing! You dumb FUCKS are going to kill someone one day!

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  87. The writer of this is not a racist! No way!

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  88. This is funny of course... but it's getting annoying when people whine about nothing to do in palm bay. GO and FIND fun things to do. There is a beach, river, parks..with these three there are already plenty of things to do like going paddleboarding, kayaking, fishing, surfing, playing outdoor sports. There are many classes to take such as yoga, pilates, dance classes. There are plenty of sports activities going on around. Go to downtown, mall, movies, restaurants etc. It depends on your interests though. Sorry, no one is gonna entertain you no matter which city you go to. You have to find entertainment yourself...juss saying. But good job though, it made me giggle

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  89. Lol 9 is so true. And some where a belt. I'm sitting there thinking wow you think you're so "gangster" or you've "got swag",.. for god sake marry you're advertising yourself as a prison whore with your ass and boxers showing like that. All it tells me is you take it up the ass and dont know how to fricken take care of yourself. And also learn how to SPEAK PROPER ENGLISH, (or were you "too swag" to actually put any effort into school and instead became a useless burden to society? And there's this thing called music that has more than 3 notes and more than 3 legible words that are actually part of the english language. I cant believe how idiotic, illiterate, and just plain douchey people can be. I know of three people that are worth saving in the whole of Palm Bay.

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  90. How about, watch Palm Bay Fire Department dispatch 2 trucks for a fender bender.

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  91. Count all the women who look like men.

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  92. lets not forget the really now even darker tan guy who rides his bike around town bouncing that super ball in unison while pedaling down the road for what now 15 years ? don't this guy have a job ? I wonder how many drivers have crashed watching him ..he probably has notches carved in his bike as a soldier would to his rifle for confirmed kills.

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  93. I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST SAT HERE AND READ ALL OF THIS. I HAVE TO SAY IT MADE FOR SOME CHAIRSIDE HUMOR AND SOME SAD FACTS. I MOVED MY FAMILY OUT OF PB IN 2009 AND HAVE TO SAY NEVER LOOKED OR WENT BACK.

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  94. Misery loves company, people. Haha!

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